What Your Boyfriend Wants, But Doesn't Know To Ask For (According To Science).

There was a study done by author and family therapist Virginia Satir that found that humans need, “four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth”.

I have conducted a similar study in my field and have found almost identical results. 

It has concluded, according to actual practiced science, that Boyfriends need 4 fist bumps a day for survival. They need eight fist bumps a day for maintenance. They need 12 fist bumps a day for growth. This is a scientific law.

To check in on your Boyfriend, which I strongly urge you to do if you are new to this study, I recommend a practice similar to mine.

I began to document the fist bumps I received during a single day, noting the circumstances that elicited them on an average Saturday, which can be seen below.

My Boyfriend Gave Me A Fist Bump When: 

• I completed the NYT Connections Puzzle. 

• A fist bump happened on the show we were currently watching.

• I took a photo of him in a Bass Pro Shop.

• He asked me if I ever wanted to “go on a train ride” and I said, “Sure.” 

• We saw an owl.

As we can see, there were only five bumps that day. Barely above survival levels.

You can't ask your Boyfriend to give you a fist bump, part of their rewarding nature is that they are spontaneous and without premeditation. They must be given to you by him and they must be given freely.

When the day is nearing its end, and you have documented a lack of fist-to-fist action, do not fret. I have tested some alternative methods that contain the healing properties of fist bumps and that allow you to initiate.

Please see the following examples.

High-Fives

I have found that giving your Boyfriend three high fives is the equivalent sensation as him giving you a single fist-bump. So, get excited! And get creative! Find the little things to express mutual celebration! They will never turn this down, I guarantee it or your money back!

Long Handshakes

Sneak this in every once and a while, why don't ya? Shake the guy's hand, for Christ's sake! And don't be afraid to a la The Cranberries it (let it linger).

A Firm Poke To The Ribs

This is for emergencies only and must be performed with the utmost care. When your boyfriend least expects it, like in the movie theatre, or when you're behind him on the stairs, give him a loving poke to the ribs. And then move on. Please mention nothing about it, in fact, if he asks why you did it, gear up like you're about to deliver the second poke. That ought to teach him a lesson.

Three Gentle Yet Firm Pats On The Back

Pat, pat, pat! Want to go for a walk? Do you want a treat? That's a good boyfriend!

Give those a try!

I hope this helps you gain some insight into your Boyfriend(! I am in the process of submitting this study to Britannica, so any and all traction helps! I have already been rejected by The Economist (they said they don't accept physical envelopes anymore, especially ones with so many stains on them), and all of the denominations of TedTalk.

I believe in this groundbreaking research, and I will do what it takes to share it with the world, even if it requires me to appear on The Ellen Show.

Thank you!